Twin Angel: Twinkle Paradise… IN HELL!

The show of the devil.

I don’t have a natural aversion to magical girl shows, in fact there are quite a few I enjoy (Cardcaptors, Princess Tutu, Shugo Chara) but this show… this show was utter bull…

I should have known better, based on the horrid intro and even the tittle… Twin Angel: Twinkle Paradise. At first I thought this show was a joke, but as it continued, I realized to my horror that everything was done seriously and in earnest. This show was the worst thing to have ever come out of Japan. It gives such a bad name to anime everywhere. It’s like it just used every used worn out trope and put it in there to attract as many fans from as many different places as they could. The result?  A huge disgusting mess of a show.

Since I highly discourage anyone from putting themselves through the agony of watching this, I’m going to spoil it without remorse so you can easily see where it went so wrong. If you plan on (god forbid) watching this show, feel free to stop here. Just so you know, watching this show is a hazard to your health, and may cause severe brain damage and loss of will to live.

Let’s start at the opening intro of characters. It starts with this buff guy:

And he’s stealing “prime vegetables” to sell on the black market. WTF!? Who sells vegetables at a black market. Perhaps this guy:

Any who, his plan was thwarted by these girls:

Yeah… “Phantom thieves”. Just so you know, they do ABSOLUTELY NO STEALING. EVER. In fact they are more like cops in the scenarios because they prevent things from being stolen. If you are going to make a character a “phantom thief”, do it correctly, like Dark Mousey (D.N. Angel). This is clearly trying to attempt to give these girls a “new dimension”. This is such a clumsy concept.

So after this comes the generic opening with high pitched cutsey japanese girls WISH ing and SPARKLING and other generic english bits thrown in there to piss people off.

Let me at this point go into a little tirade about the art. This was so blatantly generic cutesy moe, that ever character looked the same with different hair styles. The worst part of it, was the obvious uniform fetish fan service. The 2 protagonist’s outfits have freakin’ cherries on them. Boy, that’s not subtle at all.

The next scene is the generic “oh no, I’m almost late for class AGAIN! I’d better run with my boobs bouncing” sequence. Then there is an unexplainable cut to this number:

Yeah, this girl for no reason at all is carrying a bunch of prawns down the hall and trips and spills them in front of the girls bathroom, which is our leeway into the next scene, which is equally aggravating. Perhaps this is some japanese joke, but I don’t think so. It’s just strange, and has no place whatsoever in the entire episode.

Even worse than that, the scene in the bathroom consists of the 2 girls standing in the same stall talking loudly about their secret. Yeaaaaaah. If you’re in a bathroom stall, apparently NO ONE can hear what you say.

They then exit the bathroom, to an old man popping out of the floor. He does this again later in the show, except it’s out of a brick sidewalk outside. Honestly, every anime with a butler/ servant in it has this ploy, so it’s very unoriginal. He proceeds to tell them that the school is being attacked by this:

The least threatening mech in the entire world. It beats up their school to steal a tiara. WTF is a tiara doing in the school? Apparently it’s some prized piece of the “holy grail”. Do the people who wrote this show even understand what that means? Ugh

Don’t worry guys, the tiara was a fake. VERY CONVENIENTLY, the bad guys did not make off with the tiara, which the protagonists are now charged to protect. However, twist of twists, they need to get it to the art museum safely tonight. So they go home transform:

SUPER GENERICALLY  into their megaman inspired outfits and hang glide away. Seriously, they HANG GLIDE AWAY!

They get there just in time to see bunch of even dumber robots stealing the tiara. Well they stop that, but apparently, it’s necessary for the villain, another “cute” girl to come down from the sky and start dissin’ on friendship. We can’t have that now, can we? So the protagonists attack! Only the villian came prepared. She quickly sprays some gas substance that:

No.

NO

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

At this time, you may feel it’s a miricle that I made it outta this show alive. I was practically begging for DEATH! Oh my god, the horrors. It was a terrifying! Will see the obnoxious star sweep transition in my nightmares tonight. I never ever want to go through such terrors again.
So how will our beloved newly made cat girls get out of this? Why look who it is! Tuxedo mask— I mean Misty Knight! Throwing roses in the exact way that the very obvious knock off’s original would. This isn’t even a subtle omage to the great magical girl show that started it all.

At this point, I just can’t do this anymore. Please rescue me. Never let this happen to me again. The horror. The terror.

Well they beat the villian and peace returns. Until next time.

But seriously, I’m not sure who this even targeted at. If anything I would say this is one of those magical girl shows marketed at socially awkward shut in otakus. The kind with rooms like this:

I honestly hope this show gets cancelled, but as I write this, there is already a second episode. Should I review it guys? Jk, I’d rather die.


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